This page* offers parenting tips and information condensed from the book by Dr. Brenda Hussey-Gardner ©1992-2003 [ Parent Links | Parenting Me Home | VORT Home ]

Preparing for a New Baby

Helping me prepare for and adjust to a new baby in our home involves teaching, listening, and loving. The process evolves over three phases. The first phase occurs during the pregnancy and involves preparing me for the addition of a new baby to the family. Without adequate preparation, it is almost impossible for me to grasp the idea of a new baby. The first step in preparing me is for me to hear that you are pregnant. Before telling me, spend some time talking about babies in general. After you introduce me to the concept of babies, tell me that you are going to have a baby. Carefully watch and listen to my reaction to the news. Regardless of my reaction, respond with understanding, reassurance, and love. A few days later, ask me if I want to see what the baby looks like inside of Mommy. Show me a picture of the pelvic bones, uterus, and baby. If I ask you how the baby will get out, briefly explain how a baby is born. At another time, discuss what a newborn baby looks like and does. An excellent way to do this is to show me pictures of myself as a newborn. Also talk about the things that a new baby needs and ways that I can help once the baby is born. As we discuss and practice ways that I may help, explain safety rules. In addition to preparing me for a new brother or sister, prepare me for the hospitalization that will occur when the baby is born. Unless I bring up the issue first, save this discussion until a few weeks before the baby is due. SAFETY RULES FOR YOUNG CHILDREN Always wash your hands before playing with the baby. Hold the baby only when an adult is there to help. Always ask before giving the baby a toy. Never put anything on the baby’s face. Never give the baby food. Always be gentle with the baby. The second phase takes place while my you are in the hospital. It focuses on easing the separation that occurs at that time and assures me that Mommy and Daddy still love me. When it is time for you to go to the hospital, tell me that you are going to the hospital to have the baby. Remind me of the arrangements that you've made for my care. Let me know when you will call and when I may visit. Give me a big hug and kiss before you leave. While you are in the hospital, I will do best if I stay with someone who is familiar, warm, and loving. Although this is the most important factor, there are a few additional things you or my caregiver may do to ease the separation. One idea is to mark a calendar to show me how long it will be before you come home. Second, give me an audio tape of Mommy reading a bedtime story or singing a bedtime song. Provide me with a picture of you to hold and look at while I listen to the tape. Allow me to visit as much as the hospital allows and you would like. I may become upset with a short visit or talk with you--what I really want is to have my Mommy all to myself for a long time. Prepare for this reaction by planning a fun activity for me after the visit or phone call. When it is time for you and the baby to leave the hospital, I may go along to get you or await your arrival at home. The latter is generally better because the discharge process is often long and boring for a child my age. If I wait at home, arrange to have Daddy or another adult carry the baby in from the car so your arms are fee to greet and hug me. The third and final phase begins when the baby comes home from the hospital and continues through early childhood. It is during this last phase that I begin adjusting to my new brother or sister, as I realize that things are different and the new baby can't go back where she came from. I may feel afraid that you love the new baby more than you love me. I may fear that you don't need me now that you have another child. I may feel jealousy towards the new baby. To help me, you can implement several strategies for facilitating my adjustment: Maintain consistent limits. A lot is changing; it will help me to have the same limits. Involve me in the care of the baby to the extent that is safe. Make sure that helping the baby is an option for me. Otherwise, I may resent the baby for the extra work I have to do. Spend special time with me each day. I may be accustomed to getting a lot of your attention. You will find it impossible to provide me with the same attention once the baby is born. When I demand attention that you cannot provide, remind me of the special time that we spent together earlier that day or that is coming up later that day. Provide me with a "big kid" box. There are going to be times when you will be busy with the baby and I will want you to play with me. For those times, a "big kid" box may be a helpful solution. This can be, for example, a shoe box filled with a few fun, safe, and independent activities. Each time you refer me to the box be sure to go to me as soon as you finish with the baby. Have some inexpensive gifts for me. During the first months after the birth of the baby, friends and relatives often bring gifts for the new baby. I may feel left out. Occasionally providing me with a small, inexpensive gift during this time will make me feel valued and loved. Adjusting to the arrival of a new baby is a major effort for me. Wait a couple of months until our new routines are established before you initate another developmental task with me, such as toilet training. Seeing my Mommy and Daddy care for and play with the new baby may concern me. I may fear that I will lose your love. Assure me many times every day that you love, care for, and need me. Remember that words and actions are both important. Tell me that you love me, and give me kisses and hugs to show me. [ Top]

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