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Social interactions with other children normally emerges during early childhood.
Between the ages of one and four years, children become more and more interested
in interacting with other children. My early social interactions start with watching
other children and playing next to other children. But with time, I take part in
more sophisticated interactions, which include playing with other children in a similar
activity and engaging in organized play with rules. You can guide my social development
through four key techniques:
- Set realistic expectations according to my personality and age.
- Provide me with opportunities to play with other children.
- Teach me sharing skills.
- Foster appropriate social interactions by understanding and changing aggressive
and passive behavior.
Set Realistic Expectations [ Top]
The most important technique to help my social development is to set realistic
expectations according to my personality and age. As my parent, you need to key into
my individual temperament and style when setting expectations. You will also need
to consider my age when forming social expectations.
One-Year-Olds [ Top ]
Most one-year-olds are more interested in toys than in other children. At this
age, I will usually engage in solitary play. During solitary play, I play alone and
independently with toys that are different from the toys children around me are using.
I usually share a toy only at your request, and then I require a lot of guidance.
I use pushing and poking as ways to keep and to get toys. I frequently use words
like "mine" and "no." Although I don't have any particular interest
in playing with other children, I do enjoy playing with you and other familiar adults.
I like to show you my toys and to play simple games, such as "Pat-a-Cake."
As I approach two years of age, I may show a preference for one parent over another.
This is normal. Both parents should continue to play with me and care for me. For
example, if I insist that Mommy give me a bath, have Mommy do it. And if Daddy wants
to be involved in the bath, let him hand the soap and shampoo to Mommy. Make it a
fun time for all of us. Remind Daddy not to feel too rejected; I'm a little person
and will change my preference soon enough.
Two-Year-Olds [ Top ]
Most two-year-olds will play with other children when adults are around, but they
still prefer interacting with adults. I like adults because adults seem more predictable
and easier to get along with than other children. Although I enjoy interacting with
adults, I may be shy with strangers. When I play with other children, solitary play
still predominates, and I still need supervision while I play. I may build strong
attachments to my toys making it difficult for me to share them. I may pinch, push,
kick, grab, and bite to avoid sharing or to get a toy.
At about age two and a half, I will begin to interact more with peers when I am around
both adults and other children. Occasionally, I will even play with other children
without adults. When I play with other children at this age, solitary play declines
and parallel play predominates. During parallel play, I play independently with toys
like those children around me are using. I tend to play beside other children rather
than with them. I am likely to imitate other children, and I add smiles and laughter
to my social interactions. As I near the age of three, I begin to enjoy dramatic
play. I can stay in a structured group situation for a short period. Voluntary sharing
emerges at this time, but it remains difficult for me.
Three-Year-Olds [ Top ]
Most three-year-olds love playing with other children. At three, I tend to play
equally with boys and girls. While parallel play continues to occur, associative
play occurs most of the time. During associative play, I engage in a similar activity
with other children. Our conversation centers around the activity, and we voluntarily
share toys. For many young children, cooperative play also emerges around this age.
In cooperative play, I engage in organized play that has rules. I may become angry
while playing with other children, especially when I want a toy that someone else
has, or when someone wants my toy. I may still exhibit physical aggression when I
am angry. My sharing skills are improving, however, and I can wait for a turn--as
long as the wait isn't too long. I am also willing to help a shy or less skilled
child, if I am encouraged. By four years of age I will eagerly join other children
in play, with little or no hesitation.
Provide Me with Opportunities to Play with Other Children [ Top ]
The second technique to facilitate my social development is to provide opportunities
for me to play with other children. To develop appropriate social skills, I need
experiences with other children. Many children get such experiences with brothers
and sisters, neighbors, or in day-care settings. If I do not interact with children
on a weekly basis, you can provide this opportunity by having me visit another parent
and child. You may also take me to an indoor play area or an outdoor playground where
other children play. More formal arrangements, such as play groups or nursery schools,
can also be considered.
Teach Me Sharing Skills [ Top ]
Sharing is difficult for young children and is something that must be learned.
I do not naturally know how to share. When I take a toy from another child, let me
try to resolve it on my own. If it doesn't bother the other child, mention to me
that I should ask before I take someone's toy. Intervene if it looks as if either
one of us will get hurt or upset.
When you intervene, allow the other child--the one who first had the toy--to play
with the toy first. Permit him to play with the toy for a set time, or until he is
finished with it. If we are young and are beginning to learn how to share, set a
specific amount of time. You may even set a timer, so you won't forget. If we are
two and a half years of age or older and are familiar with sharing, allow the other
child to play with the toy until he is finished. While he is playing with it, try
to interest me in something else. If I continue to want the toy, try to distract
me in another part of the room or even in another room, until it is my turn. When
he--the child who first had the toy--is finished playing with the toy, I may play
with it. Remember to offer me the opportunity to play with the toy when the other
child is finished with it. It is important to offer me the toy even if I am happily
playing with another toy. In this way you will build credibility--if you promise
me a turn, I will get a turn. Follow these same steps if another child takes a toy
away from me.
Many two-year-olds build strong attachments to their toys. If I am possessive about
my toys, I probably have difficulty sharing them with other children. However, at
another child's house, I may play beautifully with someone else's toys. There are
four basic strategies for helping me share my toys.
The first strategy is to share with me in a realistic manner. With scarcely
a thought, you give me the toy I want whenever I want it while you play with me.
If you always give me what I want the minute I want it, I may assume that other children
should and will do the same. As you probably already know, most children will not
readily share. You can prepare me for the rules of sharing by applying them when
we play together. In addition, let me know that sometimes it's okay to say no when
someone else wants my toy. Teach me how to explain that it's my turn with the toy,
to ask others to wait their turn, to offer someone else a different toy, and to give
the toy to someone else when I am finished with it.
As a second strategy, prepare me for another child's visit. Tell me a friend
is coming over to play. Let me pick out some toys to use with my friend. Toys we
can share equally are best in the beginning. These include blocks, cars, books, and
any other toys of which I have more than one. Explain that my friend will play with
the toys, but that he will not take the toys home. Before the visit, ask me whether
there are any special toys I don't want my friend to use--perhaps a new teddy bear
from Grandma or my very favorite book. Put these toys away before my friend arrives.
The third strategy involves teaching me "trading" skills. If a situation
arises in which I want a toy that my friend is playing with, say something like,
"Do you want to play with the train that Joel has? What toy may he play with?"
Elicit a response from me or make a suggestion. Then guide me through the trade.
In most circumstances, the other child will trade. However, there will be times when
the other child will refuse to trade. When this happens, explain to me that I will
have to wait for my turn. Distract me with another toy or some tickles until it is
my turn. As soon as my friend is finished with the toy, make sure you offer the toy
to me.
If these three strategies are not effective enough in helping me learn how to
share, implement training sessions about sharing. During the training sessions,
give me and another child repeated short turns with the same toy. For instance, let
me blow bubbles for 30 seconds, then let the other child blow bubbles for 30 seconds.
Continue taking turns in this fashion for about five minutes. Encourage both children
to say, "It's your turn now," or "It's my turn now." Communicating
during the sharing process can be difficult for me to learn. However, learning how
to communicate verbally is important, because my ability to verbalize reduces incidents
where one child hits another child to get a toy.
Foster Appropriate Social Interactions [
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Many young children do not know how to verbalize what they want. I may become
physically aggressive, hitting or pinching to get a toy or to avoid sharing a toy.
Other young children are more passive. I may whimper or cry when I want a toy or
when someone takes away my toy. To foster appropriate social interactions, you may
need to teach me ways to express my feelings that are effective and socially acceptable.
Understanding and Changing Aggressive Behavior
Many young children hit, kick, and bite during play to avoid sharing or to get
a toy they want. Such behavior, while common, is usually not permanent. I may go
through aggressive phases before I learn to stand up for my rights in a more socially-acceptable
manner. If I am aggressive, show me appropriate ways to express my feelings. When
I don't want to share, teach me to say, "No, it's my turn." Teach me to
explain to someone who wants my toy that it's my turn with the toy, to tell the other
child to wait, to offer the other child a different toy, and to give the child the
toy when I am finished with it. Make sure that I realize that using the toy with
the other child is another option. When I want a toy that another child has, instruct
me to ask for a turn. If the other child doesn't want to share, explain that I can
offer to trade toys or ask to use the toy with the child. Teach me to play with a
different toy while I wait for my turn. Encourage me to try to handle the situation
by myself first, but provide me with the guidance I need.
In addition to teaching me appropriate ways to express my feelings and to stand up
for my rights, address the matter of aggressive acts. Tell me that hitting, kicking,
and biting are not nice or permitted. Explain that these actions hurt people. Describe
what hands, feet, and teeth were made for; for example, hands are for clapping and
hugging. Teach me to hit or kick a pillow or a bop bag when I feel angry. If it becomes
necessary, use the strategies discussed in Guiding
My Behavior to reduce my aggressive behavior.
Understanding and Changing Passive Behavior
Some young children let other children take their toys, then become sad when another
child has a toy they want. If I am a passive child you may find yourself standing
up for my rights. You may retrieve toys for me and tell other children to share with
me. If I allow another child to take my toy and then appear upset by it, teach me
to stand up for my right to play with the toy. If you notice me standing off to the
side looking longingly at a toy, teach me to offer the other child a trade or to
ask the other child to share. Use the techniques presented under ggressive behavior
(above) to teach me to keep a toy I have or to get a toy I want.
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